BanAnna

Every morning I buy the Times of India. Only to hear that somewhere in our country, an old man goes without his daily meals. Sad stuff really. But no, Anna Hazare wills it so. He refuses to eat, until he gets a Lollipop… Lokpal, whatever.

This is what I read and have been reading for the last 3 months or so. With the odd cameo of Baba Ramdev and a 2G scam a while back, it seems news in India has come to a standstill. Everyday it’s just Anna Hazare fasts and 3 other things that happen in the country.

And The Times of India isn’t even worth its weight. The raddi rate is currently touching Rs.10 a kilo, but the expensive Rs.4.50 for an issue of TOI negates it. I should thank DNA for its insanely low subscription rate. Clearly, I have aced the raddi market.

It saddens me though that the old must starve while I feast on daily portions of chicken or whatever the appetite calls for. What good I do hear though is that Anna, by virtue of fasting, has lost 7 kilos in 7 days. Talwalkars take note; throw out your treadmills.

Now to cut to the chase. Anna Hazare seems to have worked wonders on the country. People everywhere have united, starved of a national cause. The tricolours and Gandhi caps that were only let out twice a year, have now become the most fashionable and righteous of headgears. Suddenly, everyone’s a patriot. The generation that only heard of the freedom struggle in history textbooks, now gets to re-enact it for themselves, slogan-spouting and all. So unite all Ye Previously Pointless and Ye Fuck-the-Systemites, unite. Rage against the machine and all that.

Yes. The tigers are going, going, gone. Yes, we’re still insecure about our security. Yes, Ram Gopal Verma continues to make weapons of torture. But no, you’re not seeing the bigger picture. Corruption. It’s all because of corruption. Let’s put a really big Band-Aid on the whole thing instead of trying to solve the individual issues. That should do the trick. Heck, let’s get out en masse and clog the roads up and stuff. Good non-violence should after all make everyone else suitably violent.

The other thing about Anna fasting that troubles me is this: He’s starting the race a little too close to the finish line. To give another analogy a go, an old man fasting is a bit like a bomb with a short fuse. It’s unfair that the Government has only that much time to react and decide on a matter that could very well change (and complicate) politics. Time is ticking fast, and the old man knows it. He dies and he becomes a martyr. He lives and he could even make the cover of GQ, if he wasn’t so damned… unpleasant to look at.

Anna Hazare is gonna get you!

But no. This is non-violence. Look at us, we’re all being so rational. Just pass our bill no questions asked and we’ll call it a day and go home. Just do it. No, not your version of the bill, idiot, ours. I want, I want, I want.

They say that old age is a return to a child-like state. Too true, in Hazare’s case. Though I always thought there was a difference between child-like and childish.

Also, does the song Emosanal Atyachaar come to mind? (courtesy: Winamp Shuffle)

And Mr. Clearvisor.wordpress.com. I refuse to object point by point as you have done and so will only pick one. Yes, you’re trying to topple a government. Anna Hazare is following the Gandhi strategy of revolt and such yes? He did topple a government, didn’t he? And your format is only, so annoying. Even if I didn’t agree with Arundhati Roy, at least her article makes for good reading. See, this is how it feels:

Clearvisor, lie one caught.

Much to Spider-Man’s disappointment, in our country with great power comes with great opportunity. Sure, the government’s as corrupt as a hormone-charged teenager let loose on the internet. But then again, so is almost every Indian. We pay bribes, but really what the heck is that Babu accepting it for? Not a stain on my shirt, I tell you. I mean, I’m only a victim.

Sure, I fudge my taxes. Sure, I’ll pay to get my driving license faster. Corruption it seems, forgive the grossness, is a lot like a fart. Yours never stinks.

What Jesus said. Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.

And really, who among the great unwashed will run this Lokpal? What angels will descend and guide the collective moral compass of our country? A part of me actually hopes the Lokpal gets passed, just to see it crash and burn. One government never worked out for us, two opposing institutions is going to solve the matter. Right.

Not to mention, the money that will be spent on setting up such a needless institution. Wonder where your recently paid tax money is going? Come on. Let’s hear that ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ louder this time.

The hazard of Hazare though lies in his inertia. He’s running down a slippery slope. He can’t stop lest he fall flat on his face. And he’s pulling us all down with him, thrilled as we are with the adrenalin rush of a quick descent.

He’ll get his glory while he can. He’ll be on T-shirts and slippers and stuff. But the crowd is fickle, Anna. Ask Dhoni. Today they celebrate you, but one misstep and you’ll be booed.

Please God, I pray to you, let that happen. I want the rest of my newspaper back.